invisible

note:

2009-07-30T11:19:00.003+08:00

TEMPORARILY MOVING TO TUMBLR.

http://www.daybreak-.tumblr.com/

XXIII

2009-07-30T09:46:00.004+08:00

This song is strangely hypnotising, weirdly numbing and surprisingly mollifying. Diamond,heart,feather or 23 on the wrist?

you've catch on to my weakness

2009-07-26T02:39:00.004+08:00

Well I just happen to be on fb awhile back and saw
xxx is single
which is, I would say, not meant to be?
I mean I thought they would have last longer. I thought wrong.
And there gos, one less couple on earth.
While on the other hand, someone else is proclaiming
'Omg I fucking love him forever, I m gonna marry him, right!"

But Next thing you know,FB: "XXX is single"
Now what happen to "forever"?

If you're wonderinig why, it's just a random thought, contrasting two situations that happened today.
Somehow both seem rather vivid.

Anyhow, llabten training on friday was kinda good after not training for almost a week! I think the flu has hindered my stamina, cause I constantly felt tired, which never use to be a problem.
Note to self: improve stamina by 1Aug!?!!

take only what you need

2009-07-13T01:47:00.003+08:00

Butter yesterday was awesome I must say.

Worth the wait ;)

Wasn't the usual RnB but the songs Inquisitive had on was just as good.

Oh and need I say, I only remembered 50% of the night.

The other 50% was washed away when I down too much alcohol.

But definately remember falling all over the place and people going like "MEEEEL!",

trying to put me back on my two feet. Oh and somewhere in between all

that dancing, I ended up beside a white BMW? and also stuck my head into a window of a Wish for some air con.

Kids(MGMT) has been playing like a broken recorder in my head all day.

Just that one instrumental part that sounds like.,.. I don't know, some weird high pitched instrument. Electric keyboard maybe?

Gonna go down to school tomorrow. Not Temasek, but SAC.

We're gonna have a fest. Possibly, say Hi to my sis and Mrs Yong while we're at it.

I still have not gotten my SK Quah award back. :/

Don't think i'll get it tomorrow or anytime soon thats for sure.

Meantime school's been... okay. Mundane?

At least I haven't pilled my work.

Well, only till this week.

If I don't complete my drawing today,

I'll have a really good time on tuesday rushing to complete my drawing.

Well, thats about it.

2009-06-23T10:11:00.003+08:00

Mannn I swear. it's like I m not meant to own a Mac.
My pervious macbok got stolen and now
my current temporary mac powerbook charger, mysteriously got bended.
Therefore i m unable to plug it into the mac, which then means the powerbook can't run.
The worst part is, to get a new one, it would cost $152.90
and I got a feeling im gonna have to fork out that amount myself.
On top of that, I still owe my mom $130? I think for the previous battery that got stolen along with the macbook.

Okay, that aside.
The Energizer National League for netball is finally over for our division
and we managed to top the table! :)
Kinda miss playing with that team. A hard working bunch they are.

But when one door closes, another opens right?
So at the last touch training, we were told that polite is only about EIGHT trainings away.
That's CRAZY fast.
8, it's like you can count it on your two hands?!
I just really hope I make it in.
But I have to work extra hard because of my injury which makes it hard to sprint.
Ironic right? owells..

Schools still out for me at the moment, unlike the rest who were pulling their hair out trying to complete their projects by monday. Thank goodness Design school don't give students projects during their breaks. I most probably would neglect it till the last 2 days?
I m a procrastinator, period.
Just like how I m currently procrastinating because I
kinda dont want to speak to my boss - urgh
and also procrastinating because I m lazy to go to the doctor to get my check up done.
But to come to think of it, I might just go right now
because the damn neighbour has some nasty drilling
going on and I can't hear the tele,
let alone, hear myself think!
Even My poor cat is hiding under my bed.
It's the kinda noise that makes you want to bang on the wall and go "shut up!"
What an ear sore...

2009-06-14T22:22:00.003+08:00

Initially, I just wanted to ignore this.

But strangely, that thought just seem to keep replaying itself.

As short as a second but so powerful

it gives this strange tingly feeling in your stomach

which sends shivers down your spine.

You don't want it to go away, but then again it has to.

Which makes you wanna say "I don't know..."

But in actual fact, you know for sure why.

It's not who you expected, then again it's no surprise.

Complex as it might sound, it's really not...

how many times must i break till I shatter

2009-06-06T00:37:00.011+08:00

Why does happiness always seem to come hand in hand with misery?

Just when you thought things were getting better...

BAMB!!

It crumbles down.

Or rather, I crumble down.

Should have listened when they said ignorance is bliss.

I'm tired.

I don't want to go through this scene again.

The pervious cast was bad enough.

The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time.

2009-06-01T21:55:00.002+08:00

This space is quite dead.
Watch me in my attempt to revive it.

My second block is ending soon.
Not that I m anticipating the next.

The first week was rather easy, just lectures and copying notes.
Lighting, design principles, open/closed back displays, realistic/abstract... and what have you.
Then without warning!

came the execution stage -week 2 .
Totally rushed through the first project
and I MEAN rush!
Like I completed the project in the last 3 hrs before submission.
Actually, I wouldn't even say it's "complete".
Then came the weekend where I was suppose to complete part 2 of the project
but I was tied down with work and netball and...
well, other stuff that might seem important to me.
I manage to cramp in some time Sunday morining to finish 1 concept
but sacrificed going to Church.

God forgive me.

Rushed all the way from 8 this morning till 2.50
and managed to finish everything!
Only short of the presentation part.
I swear I suck at presenting when I m nervous.
Anyhows that's over and done with.
Right now, i've got 2 designs to do and hopefully finish by 1?

Hope the lecturer likes it.
From what I observe this pass month:
If you want to score an A,
don't hand up something YOU think is nice
don't hand up something YOUR FRIEND think is nice
nor do you hand up something that is all the rage right now.
Cause it might merely get you a C+ or B.
If you wanna get an A, hand up something THE LECTURER thinks is nice
even though you think it's really horrible.

Just saying...

end note:
Same script different cast?

2009-05-29T11:48:00.000+08:00

It scares me.

fairytales end when they do for a reason.

2009-05-21T00:25:00.008+08:00

Oh my gosh. Gossip girl might just have the best ending for the season EVER.

The writers are brilliant!

It's like they keep you in suspence

but nevertheless they give you some closure.

Okay, I know it's just a show...

but I m secretly kinda happy that Chuck and Blair are together!

(Jac, I know... you oppose right haha)

Maybe it's because it's the only time I would see anything like that happen.

Because endings like that only happen on television...

and unless you can prove me wrong, i'll stand firm with my cynical point of view.

Btw why was Serena the only one without

the trencher cap and the tassle pinned to her hair instead?!

hmmm..

Okay, thats about it for gossip girl.

Next season is in August, or so I heard from my lecturer.

Yes, he watches gossip girl. haha

But he's kinda against the whole bitchy theme of the show.

Well this new lecturer might be strict about our attire (no slippers, no shorts or no attendance)

and about being on time (only 5 mins grace or.. no attendance)

but he's really funny.

My goodness... you should hear the way he says

'oh my gaaawd' and then grumble about the heat. Hillarious.

Oh not forgeting the...

well I don't know where to classify this under - lamest/funniest/weirdest

thing happen today in class.

B came in 13 minutes late for class. 13 mins late = absent

H: B...why are you absent?

B: I have a very got excuse for being late.

H: and whats that?

B: I don't wanna say, it's very embarrassing..

H:Okay then come up here and tell me

B:Don't want! It's embarrassing!

H:But half the class knows already?!

B walks up to H, covers her mouth and giggles

then very reluctently said:

I was on my way to school then I realise I forgot to wear my bra.

then came the roar of laughter from the class.

Hearing that, was pretty much a once in a lifetime thing. haha

But alas, today is the start of our project preparation.

I'll start in the morning, when I get up.

Hopefully it will STILL be morning.

Lack of sleep is really killing me.

Especailly if it's on Monday because Tuesday is double trng day.

I was so tired I actually walked into a 14 thinking it was a 31?!

I really scare myself sometimes.

Thank goodness 14 is also a bus that would lead me home

and that I didn't step into a 33 or 196.

Got my boots today with Jac at Queensway :D

She got new school shoes.

Not sure how many pairs she already has...

Definitely more than 3! haha

Can't wait to boot up tomorrow!

Oh and B was still marked absent. poor thing haha

drink! -to all that we have lost, mistakes we have made;

2009-05-19T10:24:00.006+08:00

Long gone are those days that I miss you

A terribly mentally draining experience.

And well, I m glad it has finally stopped.

Took me long enough...

But you know how they say,

"when one door closes, another door opens"

In my case, I basically already know whats behind the door that is so eager to be opened.

What I don't know is if I can handle it.

I guess I already got my warnings to drop one responsibillity

but being indecisive and stubborn as I usually am, I m keeping them all.

Just for now.

Change will be prominent this month, thats for sure.

The begining of it is a new subject in school.

But like I said, that's just the begining.

Wish me luck?

;~~love remains the same.~~

2009-05-09T20:33:00.002+08:00

Today started off as a pretty good day.

Watched 3 straight episodes of Grey's then met Jac, Cheryl and Nat for the home club flea.

This is rather blunt, but...the stuff sucked. (except for one or two stores.)

On top of that, the crowd was demode.

The flea two weeks ago was so much better!

Anyhow, it was all fun till.. well, my mood was spoilt.

I think i've got bipolar disorder.

Okay, maybe not. But it feels like it,

and it's a rather horrible feeling.

Anyhows... Afiqs birthday tonight.

Almost like a party weekend?

late! ciao.

you're faking a smile with the coffee to go.

2009-05-06T00:05:00.002+08:00

Haven't been school for 2 days.

I m wouldn't say i'm enjoying my extended weekend,

but it's a breather I need from too much painting.

I also need a breather from something else... and soon!

Because I m running out of breath, sighing all the time.

Nothing lies ahead, but much lies behind.

Im aware of the pass, but to the future I'm blind.

All I know is "what goes around, comes around".

Just a matter of time before the future happens.

Whether it's good or bad?

Well, you already decided that yourself.

what if it makes you sad?

2009-05-04T09:27:00.005+08:00

My literature teacher once told the class, whatever I m feeling now,
is the worst feeling any human being can feel and it's the time where they are most vulnerable.
Which does not help because they are just more susceptible to getting hurt, again.
It's not heartbreak. It's deeper than that.
It's felt by more people than you think.
They just don't say it. Won't admit it.
But if you look hard enough, you can see it in their actions.
Actions which might seem just for the fun of it,
but, subtly, scream their despair.

I know this because I'm seeing it in someone else.

Someone who's most probably still trying to find the word to fit the feeling.
Until that is accomplish, I'll observe the same desperation.
Which will only remind me of my own.

Well, at least it makes me more cautious of my own actions.

what if it takes your breath & you can hardly breathe?

2009-05-04T01:19:00.007+08:00

Life.

It can only get better right?

why isn't it...?

Okay, maybe it'll start getting better today.

Then again, I m skipping school today.

So, thats already starting on the wrong foot.

Somehow I miss times with Nat, Ning and Faith.

I've missed SO many parties. -Why?

Well, only I will know.

Unless you can infer well enough to figure out.

Instead of partying, been doing school work with Nash in town.

Drawing and painting is hellava-lot of work.

But i'll skip all the days for this week and forward to Sunday.

Went for mass in the morning then made my way down to AC.

Had lunch with Moey, Rachel Wong and Tats at subway. :)

I don't know how long we sat there and chat for, but it felt pretty long!

After that we spilt and I took a train down with Amanda to town.

Moey continued the train ride home.

Met Nash and we did the usual.

I have been working on the same piece of work for 4 days! (as Nash recalled)

Thank goodness I m at the painting part now.

Don't think I can go through one more day thinking of abstraction of flowers, leafs and what not.

Tat came down later on around 5-ish plus too because she was bored at home.

Had dinner around 6-ish and then it was HOME.

Life.

Seems rather dull now-a-days.

What happened to excitement?

Come out, come out,

where ever you are, I miss you.

Dying in anticipation for Friday to come.

(Gotta make sure I save up first)

Hmmm...and something is missing.

How do you replace something thats missing?

the comedy is that it's serious

2009-04-29T00:19:00.009+08:00

The sun seemed to be on some rampage,

till today. Sweet rain. A little too strong on the winds though.

Anyhow just for self reference in the future

this was the order of events the pass few days.

Friday- Watched AC's match against TJC, dinner with Moey, Marcus, Tat and Steph, training

Saturday- School in the morning, Flea market at homeclub with Jac and Clare!

Then dinner with Nash at Holland V

Sunday- Church, lunch, LOST MY RAYBANS at tampines 1 topshop! :(

(but I didn't know),

Met Nash who studied while I completed my drawing.

(still oblivious my raybans were gone)

Monday- Stayed up till 4 to paint my drawing, strolled into class 15 mins late with big eye bags, had to do some shit color wheel for 2D class, painted one section wrongly -whatever.

watched some cool video on beauty in design history and culture, learned that 1:1.168 is the golden ratio for good looking people's faces and that people with symmetrical faces are naturally better runners. - didn't know that did you!

Walked home, Realised my raybans were missing(!!!),

panic and ran sacked the house to find it, remembered I left it at topshop,

made a trip down to Tampines 1, FOUND RAYBANS<3>

decided that I should cut down on the chicken cutlet and chicken chops I eat in school, went to orchard to take pictures for project.

Tuesday-

Stayed up till 1, gave up trying to finish 2D drawing homework because it was too time consuming to even start paining, went to class 15 minutes late again, told teacher I didn't paint my work, but still got compliments for my unpainted abstractions (Thank God).

Ate whole wheat pasta I cooked myself for lunch. -no chicken chop/cutlet :)

Finally it rained heavily, ran across the bridge, felt like I went through a hurricane, reached the end of the bridge almost drenched. Did work in the library, slept in the library, went for Design history and culture and watched another video then had an early dinner with Joan and Ning.

Went home, got changed, went for touch football clinic, considered joining, went for training, was enlightened at the end of training - I feel so inspired even till now, went home and was constantly reminded by my mom that I have work tomorrow.

Well that pretty much sums it up.

Oh and seriously, I actually feel inspired right now.

Such a shame that even after so many months of observing, trying to figure out why,

I still had to get someone to point it out to me before I realise, WHY.

What's worst is that this person most probably only 'observed' ONCE and got it. Damn..

But bottom line is now I know!

Just need to try it out.

And yes, gonna give school a miss tomorrow to work.

Need a break anyways.

and you know what else I need a break from?

Mosquitoes. Urgh they keep leaving weird marks on my leg.

Skoooooolilo.

2009-04-22T17:11:00.005+08:00

You would think Apparel merchandising and Design school students simply sew, sketch outfits and study different type of cloths everyday.

But thats all but a mere cliched view.

I've not touch any cloth, did any outfit sketching nor have I touched a sewing machine.

Nevertheless, I get this sense of relief knowing that design school is not just all drawing and sewing.

I would shamelessly say I like design history and culture. (the no drawing part)

Sounds boring?

I thought so too. But it's FAR from that.

It's like Literature but you're not analyzing poems or prose.

You analyze people, advertisements, cultures...

Anyhow, we were told to look at advertisements

('as designers and not secondary school kids').

Observe how advertisements are done and how they influence etc...

So as I was doing so, I stumbled upon this new ad!

Online retailer, Tobi, is currently reusing all the boxes it receives daily as packaging for their own customers!

"A brand new box may look prettier, but Tobi believes it's what's inside that counts. " - I like that line.

The creativity that goes into saving our planet these days. Two thumbs up.

So that's the advertisement part.

Here's the 'people' part:

1. Observe people who blast their music and block out the world when they're in the Mrt or bus. Why do they do it?

2. Why do people usually like people who are taller, slimmer, fairer, smarter, faster...or in a nutshell, people who acquire better qualities?

Hmm.. 1 was easy to answer because I m guilty as charged.

But as for 2, well... I don't usually like people just because they are taller, slimmer, fairer, smarter or faster, as some might already know.

When I asked myself why, I couldn't really find an answer.

So 2 is a little bit of a problem.

Okay, I feel like as if I m doing my homework here?!

Speaking about homework, I really need to get started on that drawing which is due in 2 days. I swear, drawing is a chore!

I would rather write you many many literature essays than draw.

You know how it's like when you have to draw and erase , draw and erase,

DRAW AND ERASE, for like 3 HOURS ++

Goodness... irritates the hell out of me.

Then you would ask what am I doing in design then?

Hah, I don't know either. Go figure.

brick wall

2009-04-19T11:58:00.010+08:00

/edit

See what I mean?

super-heroes. :)

Thanks Jac! haha <3

20/4, 1:39am

Ever get that feeling that you know something is wrong

and you know that should do something about it

but you CAN'T?!

So it bugs you where ever you go, whatever you do.

You try to ignore it, carry on with life but

the thought just lingers at the back of your head.

It's like trying to ignore a pink elephant in the background of a photo

and it irritates you like a tag in your shirt that scratches on your neck.

You tell yourself "stop thinking about it"

hoping, maybe, just maybe it might stop bothering you or you would forget.

But well, for me, that only helps me to think about it - much more.

and when you're alone with no one to talk to

or distract you from any train of thoughts...

you space out,

get a rather dismal look on your face

and needless to say, you're-think-about-it.

Unconsciously, Sub-consciously or whatever term they use.

Hah, and sometimes the creativity that go into those thoughts...

surprisingly phenomenal.

So there.

Even when I m enjoying my char kway tiao (with extra egg) on

a pretty nice Sunday afternoon,

which I think I deserve to enjoy to the fullest

without any stupid thoughts in my head,

before I start school on monday...

Im thinking-about-it.

If only to forget something was as easy as cutting a tag off a shirt,

life would be a little less of hell or

a little more of heaven, if I were more of an optimist.

Just my luck to have hit a brick wall.

Not literally of course!

Though I know I m capable of great things as such.

You would think I've hit rock-bottom, sounding like some cynical shit here

but something, just something, tells me I'm only half way in.

Sometimes I think I m just out to destroy my own life...

and the rest of the people in it are my partners in crime,

villains, helping to enhance the blow.

Excluding friends of course.

Thats a special group of people.

One who help me fight these bad guys

and convince me that there's good in everything.

The super heroes in my story.

Things to remember

2009-04-18T10:12:00.004+08:00

side note: -what. real. fakes.

sucker for sneakers

2009-04-17T23:19:00.007+08:00

I FINALLY BOUGHT MY VANSSSS :D

love them to deaathhhhh.

I'm gonna buy more because they're too awesome.

Been a long time since I bought shoes.

Had a whole list in mind so this is the first i'll strike off the list.

Sadly I have to strike this pair out too

because they don't have size 40 or 41 anymore :(

Unless, I get them online...

2009-04-15T09:53:00.003+08:00

F.B.1.P.U.3

Go figure while I m off at camp.

If you realise, this is coming at like 10am.

Which means I m "late" for camp.

But like, at least I didn't go all M.I.A. or anything.

I actually called to inform them I'll be down...later.

I'm procrastinating, it's what I do.

Nevertheless I'll always get the job done.

So yes, I just called again and told them I'll be down lunch time.

Anyways I just wanted to put this down before I forget.

The pass few nights, I've been having the same 'nice' dream

and every time I got up in the morning, before I gain like full consciousness

I tell myself, 'no way, you are just dreaming' and then I'll get out of bed and carry on with reality.

No problem there. Dreams are meant for escape anyways.

But today, it was different.

I slept at about 4 and when I got up at 8,

I recalled something I thought at first, was a nightmare.

Okay, maybe not THAT bad. Just a bad dream.

Even so, I felt sad, scared, dejected.. whatever but

In that split second I told myself 'it's just a dream, don't worry, it's not true'

BUT in the same split second I realised -wait, it's not a dream!

It was actually the last few hours before I slept.

If you can't catch the underlying message behind it is that

-I m living a nightmare. :/

WAIT, OMG I JUST RECIEVED THE SWEETEST MESSAGE FROM JAC. HAHA

You just made my day! :D

Miss the mischief we were always up to.

All our lame excuses we used to skip school and be late for class haha

and strolling back from the toilet, just to kill time.

Mannnn now I just do it alone haha

Okay lunch soon. Shucks.

LOVE YOU JAC! CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU!

I could drown if I stay here

2009-04-15T02:10:00.006+08:00

Okaaayyy I totally forgot to attend orientation today.

Like, it only hit me when I was halfway to queenstown in the MRT.

But no worries of course.

Just made some calls here and there and got it covered.

Went to look for new shoes today and I mean, just look.

Met Michelle and Pam at ikea for lunch. Had the usual.

Later walked over to the mall in search of Pam's new tennis shoes.

Urghh shucks. Kinda lazy to continue. It was a rather long day.

Too many things on my mind right now.

But okay in a nutshell, I had fun.

Oh and this happened at far east plaza outside leftfoot while I was trying on a pair of converse.

Pam went up to Nat and saw this opening at the back of Nat's vest,

so she stuck her hand up, in it.

Then she was like "Nat, are you sure the design of the vest is like that?"

and then Nat was like "like what?"

and then either one of them realised that Nat was wearing her vest inside out! hahaha man should have gotten a photo of Pam sticking her hand in the hole of Nat's vest. Hilarious.

Ohhh and another funny moment was when I was singing Insomnia while walking across the road at borders then when we got the the steps I was like

"Insoooomnniia"

and Nat was like continuing "~aaaaaa AHHHH! SHIT!" -she tripped. HAHA

(The photo above on the right was just before she tripped.

OH and you can see Nat's inside-out vest too. HAHA)

Okay I've got like 4 hrs to sleep right now.

Maybe I shld just skip camp tmr, or attend late.

Omg, this is so not like me.

I love camps.

I was even a camp facilitator.

But right now, I think I m gonna be home sick, I can feel it!

How ironic.

I used to attend camps at like some ulu part of singapore far away from home and never got home sick.

Now, I m attending a camp just across a street from my house and I feel home sick even before attending the camp.

too many things on my mind right now.

2009-04-15T00:25:00.002+08:00

FUCK OFF.

Kaaaay, it's vulgar, but I just felt like saying it here.

So there. Don't be offended.

I'm just venting.

we close one eye when we don't understand.

2009-04-13T12:45:00.006+08:00

Alright so, Saturday started off at CCAB.
After the runs went to island creamery and macs for brunch.
Sat there till about one-ish before heading back home
and then rushed to leave the house again to meet Nash in town.
She needed to get new stuff -heels, dresses, wallet...

I on the other hand was pretty broke because, like I mentioned in the previous post, of church and all...
Like by Sunday night I was penniless. No kidding.
I felt so... empty?!
and man did I have difficulties traveling.
Digging for 60cents from my cluttered
balenciaga pouch everytime I boarded the bus, looking like some aunty. Embarrasing.
Like that wasn't bad enough.
The bus drivers sometime think I m an adult, so they insist that I show my student pass.
Then i'll take another 100 years to look through all my junk till I spot a blue card,
pull it out and get their nod of approval.

Anyhow, we pretty much covered orchard from end to end.
Okay maybe not the "Centerpoint area" because I consider that area only for grocery shopping and studying.
Dont know why hmmm.
After that long day, had dinner at holland V's crystal jade.
I ordered the most spiciest beef noodles ever :(
My tolerance for spicy stuff is like almost ZERO
but I somehow I like the taste of chili - okay I don't know, don't ask
So I was enjoying the noodles but I looked horrible while at it.
My lips were like swollen, my eyes were all watery and my nose started to get stuffy.
What a sight.

When I got home... the next morning,
at about 1, I had to rush myself to sleep. (As funny as it might sound)
I ambitiously planned to go for 8am easter mass in town with Tat.HAHAWell obviously that didn't work out.
But we still went for mass at OLPS.

Tat said the church was so small she would have mistaken it for a house. -_-"
I guess there aren't many small churches in the north?!
OH! and how cute, Tat feel asleep during mass! haha
I was just busy looking around and too amused at the priest accent to fall asleep.
Actually, I wouldn't call it an accent.
It was more of the way he dragged his words.
Like his pitch goes up and down for every word or something like that.
Saw the twins standing at the side, spotted Nat, spotted her mom and her dad and well a few other people.
Of course while busy doing all that, I actually absorbed and understood the homily.

Started to drizzle when we were leaving the church gates.
Thank God we were safe in the bus which it rode us out of the rain and to town.
Had Macs breakfast :) at city hall with Tat and friend haha
but Tat had to leave after awhile to study.
Nash came down to finish her shopping list, it was down to getting just one more thing -a new wallet.
Decided to go home early that day.
Felt pretty exhausted but still found the energy to do some runs.

:\ That reminds me:I was told today my runs weren't good enough.
Thats bad. (obviously)
hmmm okay, 4.30 for 3 rounds.
Still quite reachable right?
Not that it would matter if anyone was to say "no"
because I still have to make sure I hit 4.30.
Okay. 4.30 it is.
Let's see how it goes by next week.

is it too soon to say 'perfect'

2009-04-11T23:53:00.003+08:00

"And I'll be here by the ocean

Just waiting for proof that there's

Sunsets and silhouette dreams.

All my sand castles fall,

Like the ashes of cigarettes.

And every wave drags me to sea.

I could stand here for hours,

Just to ask God the question

- Is everyone here make-believe?"

dont go too far

2009-04-10T15:33:00.005+08:00

Yesterday, I was told it rains every good friday. True enough...

Funny I never realised. Hmmm.

I would come up with some 'theory' or 'significance' to the rain but I can't really remember what happens on Good Friday.

Besides the part where Jesus dies on the cross of course.

But my memory will be refreshed soon, at 5pm mass.

Where after, if it has stop raining,

my sister and myself will go down to Tampines 1.

Still can't believe Uniqlo is there! and a double story topshop!

It would be quite nice if Canele would open there, as Debs suggested

but I guess bakerzin is fine too.

It's almost like a mini orchard right at my doorstep.

Not that it would stop me from going to town so often.

Speaking of town, went shopping with Des and Pam yesterday afternoon.

We relived our childhood days.

Took neoprints, split them equally, took like toilet shots

and changing room shots haha <3

Mannn I suddenly feel really bad for spending, like strangely bad

and I don't know why...

Cause it's not like I m splurging on a 89 dollar dress,

I just bought a 19.90 tank from zara -most probably the cheapest thing you can find there

but I m feeling guilty!

Like seriously.

Okay whatever, not gonna think about it.

It's a rather horrible feeling.

Later that night went church visiting with Faith and Jolene.

I think we're suppose to visit 7, but we visited 2 (?!)

Met Nat at OLPS and Afiq at Siglap starbucks before cabbing down

to the country club.

Had BBQ food, watched power puff girls and ate chips.

Got a lift home from Lisa's parents, thank goodness.

The place was so deep in, no cab would drive in unless you called.

Okay this is rather boring.

I shall just go find my cat.

The thunder shocked him into some unknown, hidden corner of my house and he won't come out till someone finds him.

Attention seeker.

Tomorrow's gonna be exciting though!

for the glory of love

2009-04-07T01:20:00.006+08:00

Okay so anyhow this was from Saturday.

It was suppose to be a study session... buuuuttt yeah.

Well at least we completed Jac's econs project haha

Quite fun actually.

Met Nat at TP after her training today.

THANKS FOR STANDING UNDER THE HOT SUN TO DO PASSES FOR ME NAT.

Went to KFC for brunch then to my auntys place.

Didn't feel so good the whole time

and so I decided to rest and not go for training.

Slept for a really long time then went

with Ning to meet the rest

-Feo, Judi, Ryan, Manfred, Nat, Fyn and Afiq

in town.

What fun we had with Feo's colourful tapes and pen knife.

Oh and, eye candy!

I would go on, but I need to sleep now.

Tomorrow, I promise myself I will run.

I will run intervals then 3.2

or pyramid then 3.2...

I will.

urgh I m damn lazy...

Night <3

2009-04-05T15:36:00.004+08:00

Okay so it's Sunday again.

Hmm reminds me of what ShiHui, very randomly, said at training that day while we were doing highest point.

"wha, yi ge li bai guo qu le, wo men you jian main."

okay excuse my chinese,

but incase whatever I write up there

is just an array of meaningless words and spaces,

she said wow a week has gone pass and we meet again.

okay it sounded more funny in chinese.

So anyhow, Sundays are to either laze around or shop.

But today being palm sunday -no shopping

But it's the last week I have to cut down on shopping

cause the season of lent is almost over!

I made my donation today to the church.

It's the equivalent of whatever I spent during lent on shopping.

Like a 'punishment' or to 'make up for it' in nicer terms.

So that's that. I'll just have to be a little more calculative and careful with whatever I have left for the week...

Collected my palm after mass and went home.

Sister got up after awhile and Sundays are also story telling day because the both of us are home and we're not busy or rushing for time.

So she told me, she got caught, by the school's cleaner for smoking opposite school in her uniform.

I burst out laughing. HAHA

So she got sent to RTC, needless to say, and everytime she goes there, she will have a story to tell.

Of how sister rita would entertain her or of the other people who are also at the RTC or how she slept and drooled waiting for the DM. haha

Anyways my sister was like

"They make me call mummy and tell her that I kenna caught.

So I called her and then when she pick up, you know what she doing...?

she PLAYING MAHJONG.(wacks her forehead)

I was like Ohhh my gossssh... and then this mummy

tell me she busy, busy, cannot talk right now.

Then I was like whaaaaaaat la this mummy.

Then obviously cannot tell the teacher mummy playing mahjong right?

So I told her mummy very very busy at work, cannot talk right now. She will call back tomorrow

then the teacher said TOMORROW NO SCHOOL

so I was like errr Monday! Monday.

Then DM came in and ask me why I run away.

I was like I NEVER RUN AWAY?!

Then she said the cleaner said you ran away and why would the cleaner lie.

Then when she left, I turned to the teacher and said I never run away?!

You don't believe me YOU bring the cleaner here, I want to talk to her, then we see who run away!

The teacher was like no, no, no don't involve anymore people

I was like No, YOU bring here! Then the teacher give me that shocked look and said okay okay, we settle on monday at Miss... (principal) office okay?

so I said Okay la.

Then suddenly mummy called back, she also make up some cock-and-bull story and said sorry, she was busy at work with a meeting all... rubbish only.

They ask her to come down to the school somemore! I was like ohh my gossh, THIS school...

small matter also must make until so big, you know what they ask me to do also? they ask me to go poly clinic, pay $5, and go for some quite smoking talk. I was like huh?! wth?!"

So there. I just sat and laughed all the way through. I love these kinda stories.

Excuse my sister's english though.

I m sure there will be another one of these on monday if I don't get home to late.

She and the principal are like two like poles of a magnet.

Okay it's 6, I should get changed. Going to run and practice shooting.

xx

2009-04-04T01:31:00.005+08:00

Honestly, I feel like I just got stabbed. In the back.

Amazes me just how catty people can be and

how some people never change.

Old habits die hard, don't they...

so looks like it will never end.

Just as I was about to let my guard down.

Anyhows, i've done it for almost 5 years.

How hard a challenge can another few more be?

This has trouble written all over.

2009-04-03T10:23:00.003+08:00

They say nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.

But what if one is falling?

That doesn't make it very fair...

Then again, what is.

I might have woken up in the same mood I went to sleep last night with.

But I shall spare you the ridiculously dramatic, ambiguous, long-winded crys and complaint this time.

I m just going to pretend it never happened.

Easiest way to forget, easiest way out.

So anyhows... The last post, was suppose to be about how my saturday went.

Pretty darn well.

We had sushi buffet for breakfast/lunch.

It had been ages since I ate sushi!

I used to have it every Sunday after church,

until I got sick of it...

But right now, I m craving for

soft shell crab and that beancurd skin sushi thing :/

We left the sushi at about 2.15? oh and about 15 minutes before that Munting and Weiru ran off to the toilet

and it seemed they didn't want to come back. haha

When they did, they came back with cake.

Okay... no, like literally, they bought a cake from breadtalk.

It was from the seniors for the 3 March kiddos -Nash, Tat and myself.

So nice :D

As usual, I ended up bring the cake home.

But it was good 'company' when I was telling my current crisis on msn to a friend.

Can you imagine? I just took the whole box to the bed.

One hand typing and the other digging into the cake with a fork.

Not something you would see me do often... or at all?

I avoided the whole chocolate coating because it looked too sinful to eat and I've had like 2 chocolate cakes, 1 chocolate brownie and many chocolate cookies for the month of March.

So, chocolate overload already.

Back to Saturday, we went to get tickets for confessions of a shopaholic at the grand cathay.

I think its like, what, my second movie I've ever watched there?

Anyhow, the movie was awesome! Okay, maybe a notch down.

But it was not like a bad show or anything.

I expected the whole 'chic flick' kinda thing, but it was not?

It was rather 'educational' haha

Lesson learned, don't get too many credit cards, don't buy something because some one is snatching it from you.

At least there are restrictions and minimum requirements in Singapore if you wanna get a credit card, unlike the US and Canada.

Which is good, so only those who, more or less, can afford to use a credit card

can have one. Of course there are still those who max out their card and used to be able to spend so much but go bankrupt paying the interest every month.

Okay, I m digressing. Sorry!

Emmm... After the movie, had our photo op outside, with all the twirlly lamps and stuff. Moey had to leave to meet her friend :) haha

Tat left too with Qinyun because Vivo was too far for her.

Then there were 6.

Hit forever 21 and I got a top. If I m not wrong, the rest splurged haha

It was kinda funny in the dressing room, how we walked in and out to see each others outfits. We gathered to convince Tessa how nice she looked in her yellow dress but she kept saying it was too short and how her mum might flip. haha

Nevertheless she got it.

Munting left with her friends, not long after Weiru left too.

Felt hungry so we all went to get dinner and sat facing the waters at the roof top with the stars and all.

Okay this is getting boring... post up pictures when I get home!

don't trust me.

2009-03-31T15:24:00.002+08:00

Mistakes,

we all make them.

They usually start with the best of intensions, like keeping a secret to protect someone

or getting some distance from the person you've become.

Sometimes we don't even know what kind of mistakes we make to get where we are...

or we figure it out just in time to make it right again.

But every mistake happend for a reason,

to teach you a lesson

you would otherwise never learn.

and hopefully you'll never make this mistake ever again.

hopefully...

With friends like these, who needs an army.

2009-03-22T22:57:00.006+08:00

Okay, to those who still don't know why I was late that day, it was because I was rushing to pick an outfit at Zara Liat towers O-KAY?

Yes, whatever I wore was bought that morning itself.

That's cause I decided to not/cut down on my shopping during lent and donate the money instead. -Which I have been pretty much keeping to :)

So took a cab from town to Grand Copthorne and met the 6 there.

I was greeted with a bouquet of roses :D

Great for a photo op so we pretended it was a prize presentation, just like the many times in school haha

Then I saw this plastic looking bag from club 21 and was wondering whose weird choice of a handbag, for this occasion, it was.

Till some one told me, "oh that's you're present".

I swear I was shocked.

I only expected attendance, really.

The fun time we would have together was good enough a birthday present.

But nope, you guys have out done yourself, as usual, and got me some friggin awesome present, yet again! 3 years in a row!

Man I really Love you guys :DD

I wanted to cry but I didn't cause I was afraid I would look bad in pictures later on. I wouldn't trade you people for anything or anyone ever!

Not even --- !:D

See that's how much I love you guys haha

Anyhows, the buffet spread was pretty good.

There was like prawns and sushi and mussels and oyster and fried chicken, fried beef, fried prawns, crab soup, cray fish and the desert! wow.

We had our usual heart to heart chats haha

and took like 400++ photos, what new.

The whole 'waterfront' thing made it just perfect. We also found a water fountain and wanted a 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' kinda picture, but it was wet. owells.

Another time then.

Hmm maybe I'll book a room there for the next holiday. We can pig out the whole day together then go late night shopping <3>

So time passed really fast, and before we knew it, it was like 4?

Took a cab to Tiong and waited for Mich and Pam to arrive by bus - don't ask

Then took the train home together but Jac and myself met up again about 2 hrs later for a study session at the airport.

We found the MOST AWESOME spot.

Except that the power point doesn't work. damn.

Studied till about 12, Cheryl popped by for awhile then Jac's parents gave me a lift home.

What a day.

Oh and if you're wondering why I m up right now, not that there usually is a reason, but its cause I m baking Tat's surprise cake.

The reason why I dare post it here, despite it being a surprise, it's cause I know she won't get the chance to read it till tomorrow.

Her mom switched off the router haha

Thank goodness I decided to experiment with the cake first.

It turned out to be a disaster?!?!

Like... it tasted like rubber?

So gonna wake up early tomorrow and make my way down to Tampines mall

to get more supplies and start baking again.

If you see this Tat, this is how much effort I put into your cake! haha

But it's worth it :)

Okay gonna wrap this post up.

Is it wrap or rap? whatever...

My eyes can barely open. They are like 1 mm from shutting.

Serious! okay, maybe 2? how big is 1 mm in the first place?

okay NIGHT.

Oh oh one last note to end with.

It's strange and ironic how the people who I thought wouldn't really give a damn

actually are people who care.

Sadly coupled with that good news, the people who I thought cared, couldn't care less.

It's sad. But at least it's well balanced out.

I'm still happy :)

New headphones, laptop cover and flowerrrrssss :DD

I've never smiled so hard and actually meant it, for so long.

2009-03-21T00:39:00.003+08:00

Can't wait for tomorrow to come!

Or rather I can't wait for 'later' to come!

It will be a pre-0808 reunion.

See you guys at the famous Jiak Kim Street in the morning!

Don't be late -even if you know I might be! haha

<33

Seventeen forever

2009-03-20T10:49:00.006+08:00

Well I really thought I was going to have a birthday without a birthday cake,
but my friends took care of that :)
Hmmm... I really was surprised. Like, I really never expected them to do anything of that sort.
But Yeahhh I was caught kinda speechless and stuff.

So anyways Attica was quite okay...
I think the music there is much better than zouks, plus it wasn't that crowded.
I was pretty sober through out
even though people kept insisting -'mel you're high again lah'
But really.. I was like totally fine!
Saw Tessa's friend, Jasmine, I think her name was?
She was the one who helped me into a cab with her other friend on Valentines day.
...Nice people.
Then saw someone who I didn't expect to see in my life but...
well life's full of surprises, ain't it.
Made me kinda uncomfortable though.

After a whole lot of commotion, we finally manage to get to BK eating house near home club.
Some wicked party just ended there so the hungry part of that crowd moved across
to eat too, which made it kinda crowed.
After I was done with supper, shared a cab with Eugene back home.

So thats pretty much how my birthday went.
Not really ideal but still I m happy.
Thank you for all the Birthday wishes, especially the long sweet ones!
Must thank FB too for bringing across the birthday wishes from long lost friends haha
and those who are not so contactable.
I even got a message from a stranger who saw me
at clarke quay yesterday wishing me happy birthday?!
The wonders of FB, really.
BUT then, even soooo...
You could guess where this is going to.
I really only needed one particular wish to make my day
Obviously that didn't happen.
How boring right.

I knew it couldn't be you.
Looks like no birthday wish is coming true.

2009-03-16T11:10:00.007+08:00

Good morning. I hope that made you hungry because I haven't eaten my breakfast.
If you're wondering why the random post in the morning, I m at work again.
Incredibly bored out.
Also, the lack of sleep coupled with the fact that I spent 23 bucks on cab fare this morning (stupid overpriced ERP charges and irritating cheating taxi driver)
has got me feeling aggrieved, as you can see.
The office really brings back memories...
Good times, I must say.

okay whatever.

Well, I was just thinking last night, while talking to Erica
maybe I m just at the wrong place, at the wrong time, trying too hard to make things right.

You know?

So I guess there is another side to the saying

'the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.'
A good one, of course. Hopefully one I can see more off too.
Anyways I was just told the office might collapse. Like seriously.
The walls of one side of the building is like falling in.

Okay back to work.
Can't wait for 6pm.
Can't wait for Friday.
Oh wait, I shouldn't be saying that or even wanting it to come.
I was already told that the worst possible thing

that could happen on friday, is right now an option - like, how sad is that.

Imagine my face when I read the message. *sigh*

2009-03-14T11:18:00.004+08:00

Yesterday at training I saw bright pretty city lights, ran across the pebble bridge (twice!), saw stars being filmed, ran around the indoor stadium many times, saw little girls dressed up as disney princesses, did steps, did skipping, saw netballs flying 3 times to the right, 2 times to the left, once to the right and 3 times to the left again - more than 20 times and then

A chocolate covered brownie with a lighted candle! :)

it had to be you

2009-03-11T19:11:00.007+08:00

Met Des on Monday to 'talk' haha

What failures in love we both are.

But it was nice to have a friend to rant, complain and like reason with the very next day after everything happened.

Moey is the other one. :)

Even though I m cursing, swearing and wishing I could turn back time and make things better,

I m thankful I got my friends around who would lend a ear

and fight with me to prove that I m wrong or to prove that I can be happy, again?

hmmm... it's been so long.

Almost too long.

owells.

On a lighter note, going to hit sentosa again after Nat comes back.

Oh and hopefully before Des leaves.

Everyone is leaving for a holiday :(

I wanna go too.

How about I will be working on my birthday :(

Wait, this is suppose to be 'on a lighter note'

okayokay, at least after I work I will have the means to treat a few friends!

and pay for my club fund :S

Meantime... I m going to find for my social studies book.

What a disaster it would be
if you discovered that I cared a little too much for friends,
but not enough to share.

2009-03-08T13:20:00.006+08:00

How karma hits you in the face, when you least expect it.

I think I m reluctantly going to have to get used to this.

-yah this is me giving up.

balmain fall 09

2009-03-06T16:02:00.003+08:00

Balmain's so beautiful.ahhh... i want every piece.

2009-03-06T01:38:00.005+08:00

OMG You got to try this.

It's like 95% accurate maybe?! omg.

it's kinda freaky how it actually knows how I feel.

here's mine.

Name: melissa
Date: 3/5/2009
Colorgenics Number: 15436207

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

Note the bold parts,

I freaked out when I actually saw those phrases in there.

Especially the 'giving up' part?!

Like, there was no way that they would have known?!!!

It's like 100% true by the way.

freaky much.

you didn't bat an eyelash

2009-03-02T00:41:00.006+08:00

Well it was 1st March, about 40 minutes back.

I was suppose to go to 11 o'clock mass in the morning but

I got up at 10.50. Not usually the case.

But when I literally jumped out of bed and was about to make a beeline for the toilet in hope that I might still make it before the gospel, my head started spinning. Not usually the case either.

Then I realise my throat was sore and that I was breathing through my mouth...

flu got worst.

So my mom insisted that I stayed at home today even though we planned to have steak then go to town, do some window shopping...

Well we still had steak, but she sent me straight home after.

I wanted to buy the math TYS on the way home but I guess they've not published this years series yet, it can't be sold out.

So anyways, my mom said I should rest, so rest I did.

Just watched lipstick jungle the whole day and drank green tea.

Two whole bottles... now I m not sure if that's exactly healthy but I m sure it's better than the bottle of baileys I suddenly found in the fridge.

Not that I m planning to drink anytime soon...

to come to think of it, the last time

I took a sip of alcohol was on valentine's day?!

wow... I held up pretty well.

considering the factors involve.

Met Tat in town yesterday then headed down to Steph's place for another session of guitar hero. Watched Marley and Me and then it was NSL at jurong.

It was fun :), of course that goes without saying.

Except the part where we had to run in the rain and I almost stepped on a frog?!

eww.

Okay it's an hour and a half into 2nd March right now, and I got to get up early again tomorrow. So I should turn in, like now, or I'll have to jump out of bed again in the morning.

I'm rambling sorry, it happens when i m up at unearthly hours in the morning...

2009-02-27T20:35:00.002+08:00

Hmmm...

I was told about something I would deem as - a false statement?

I don't know.

But what I do know is that I would actually look at the whole problem and frown, like really hard

because I hate misunderstandings, complications and whatnot.

But you know what? I won't.

I actually found some light because of this problem! (the irony right.)

I think I finally know why God hasn't been answering my prayers :/

It's because if he did, and with just 1 small careless mistake,

this problem would have been much worst.

It would have definitely been blown out of proportion.

Like, way, way, way out.

It would involve many more people and

wow, I can just imagine the chaos... ouch.

Then after the chaos comes the clearing up, omg...

that would be another big headache.

Thank God I don't have to live through that. yay.

Okay right now, my head is throbbing, my eyes are watery, my nose is stuffy, my eye bags suddenly seem so much bigger and like for some ridiculous reason, my right eye can't stop twitching. So I m going to find some peace by sleeping.

Night!

2009-02-23T22:40:00.003+08:00

Things base and vile, holding no quantity,
Love can transpose to form and dignity:
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind:
Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste;
Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste:

Hmm I feel like getting some of Shakespeare's books.

you got me addicted to your light

2009-02-22T19:57:00.006+08:00

okay you must be thinking i spend all my time on the net finding for photos like this, I don't.
They just appear while I m finding for other stuff. I've got a huge file filled with them if you're wondering.
Yup, stumbled across everyone of them.Didn't go searching for it.Just like how I didn't search for you,I just happen to stumbled upon youand land up in this mess.
Okay so Sunday, woke up early to attend mass and I was only 10 mins late this time! applause please.
Met my mom in town after having lunch with my aunty, as usual, and went shopping.
It felt like forever since I've shopped with her... but forever is actually only 2 weeks ago.
Anyhow, my head is a little less muddled up now.
I really think shopping helps to sedate.

I thought playing netball on saturday would help get my mind off things
but I found myself distracted and drifting off during the games.
Even though the ball didn't slam into my face or anything,I played like... so bad.
I can't stand how lazy I get on court sometimes... okay fine, most of the time.
Especially if I don't warm up properly and my legs feel so heavy and that irksome leg/thigh injury doesn't help.
But netball still makes me happy and I still feel happy playing netball.
Is just that this time netball is kinda related.. yeah.Here's Mari's Lambs for you.Our group leader was Mari...SO we're mari's lambs, geddit? cute right hahaIf you don't get it, slap yourself.
Urgh another week has started.Can you believe it, we're a week away from march.OMG...

2009-02-21T10:57:00.003+08:00

hurts like fuck I tell you.
I just weave through crowds and electric lights with a blank face, the lifelessness entwined with wounded eye lids.Not even living anymore.
Just existing through each day, hoping for more than a miracle to happen.

Now would be a good time, maybe?but it's not like you're gonna understand this anyways.

2009-02-20T12:42:00.002+08:00

Put the fun at sentosa on hold for a little while to watch the Jrs match against AHS with Moey yesterday.Hmmm... AHS.I think their match was played about the same time as ours.Just that we were already in the second round.Anyhow the jrs topped their grouping :)
During the game I kept hearing Miss Huang say"keep it simple, keep it simple!"and it reminded me how easy Netball can be.Well not easy, easy.But like... okay I don't know how to put it into words.It's just my mind set.I give myself a thousand and one reasons to think that it is going to be hard to get the ball in the circle, near enough to shoot.The reasons kinda mess up and clutter my thoughts and therefore it feels like netball is some complex game in my head.okay so, 'simple'.Gonna keep telling myself that. and lucky me, I'll have a chance to put that into play or practice on Sat because there is the llabten carnival.Kinda excited cause I just want to playbut then it means I can't stay out too late today...owells, I've been out too much anyways.Not forgetting, Sentosa yesterday was a blast.Got to do it again sometime!

2009-02-18T23:35:00.003+08:00

So had training till 9 today, was cut short because I had to send my dad off at the airport...

After that met Pamela and Desiree at city hall for dinner :D

Well it was not much of a dinner, no appetite, so just had corn soup from mos burger and Yoguru.

Ate while watching them pack up.

Then I saw the funniest thing ever.

Pamela's polo had like neon pink all over the back.

So I was like wth happened?!

Then I realised it was the outline of her bra.

It ran colour because of her sweat! hahaha

hard core Pamela! haha

I sweat like a waterfall and never once did this happen to me.

You must sweat like the Nigeria falls huh Pam. haha

NEON PINK.

Imagine if we were still in school and you wore that same bra. omg.

Sadly no visual evidence for memory sake :(

Nat came down after awhile to steal cookies and we all hopped on the same train home.

PICNIC TOMORROW :D

Gonna wake up early to cook! :)

I'll never ask for anyone but you.

2009-02-16T23:20:00.003+08:00

Okay so on valentines day we had our SINGLES DINNER. How cute right.

Met Tat and Amanda a little earlier to do some shopping, or rather just looking around. Munting and Qing Yun appeared not long after and so did the rest.

Decided on Billy Bombers and this time I actually ordered a main course to eat there. Usually I just get the cheese fries, not a big fan of their menu.

Oh and Tat did the funniest thing ever. We were talking about Rachel Ray and how she would take salt and throw over her shoulders for luck during her show.

Then Tat picked up the salt shaker, put salt in her hands and threw it over her shoulders. Only that the salt she threw landed on someone else clothes and maybe even into their hair. Someone we didn't know and was queuing to get in to the restaurant. Thank goodness they were clueless haha

Then there was Steph who was busy writing a complain haha

She actually said that their service was "slow" in front of the waitress,

and it was loud! haha

But of course, their service was really bad.

Like we had to ask for water twice and it took them about 20 mins to get it on our table. So that went down in the feedback. Can't remember what the other complain was about...

Decided to leave because couples were piling outside.

Stopped by Fox and we gave Qing Yun a mini-makeover :D

She refused and kept saying the top was tight, at first...

but we convinced her :)

and got the top for her haha

After that did another round of looking around but with the addition of Tessa, Steph and Munting this time.

Got ice cream after and had a photo op with it haha

Debs appeared at about 7 or 8?

Took more photos...

and then some had to leave :(

I left after awhile too to get changed.

Initial plan was to go to zouk but I knew we wouldn't be able to get in

so didn't bother trying.

Nat, Faith and Ning dashed of to Zouk even before I could reach clarke quay.

So I just decided to stay with Tessa and Debs.

Met their seniors and Nat.

Couldn't decide on a place at first.

And omg it felt like deja-vu when they were guessing numbers and referring to the directory.

ahhh the times we used to have, Barfly and Forbidden city! haha

Anyhow, after forever... we settled at Iguana cafe.

To come to think of it, it was a pretty nice place...

or maybe it's just cause I like orange lighting,

oh and that we didn't have to shout to communicate.

By the time we left it was already Sunday.

Stopped by Mac's for awhile and well I didn't feel all that good.

Seriously, didn't know what was going through my head.

I finished up my whole weeks allowance on drinks?! How stupid.

I remembered saying something like

"I got money, might as well just finish it up"

wtf right?

I felt like slapping myself the next day when I remembered I actually said that. God knows what other foolish things I said.

This is why I hate to drink when I m... not in a good mood.

Something else I remembered, Celeste tried to make me drink water.

I stubbornly refused and after that I nearly cried. Yeah, go ahead and laugh.

But if you were in my shoes, you would understand why.

Everything else was pretty much a blur till we got to Deborah's house.

I really had to control myself and said 'Hi Aunty' in the most sober voice I could put on. But the next day I found out they knew because they gave me and Tessa orange juice and told us it was good for hangovers haha

Poor Deborah and Celeste. :/

Lucky we also had help from Tessa's friends.

Got up at about 9.20am, Tessa got up a little later.

Went out and waited for Debs.

Watched TV, played with her dog, played guitar hero, then had lunch at Tessa's.

I was kinda stoned for the rest of the day.

Even when I went running at night, you would never guess what happen...

Okay but anyways, being all stoned, gave me time to think.

I've decided Im going to go on a short Holiday.

3 days. By myself. No kidding.

Lock myself up in a hotel room

and hopefully pull myself out of this mess and maybe along the way find the slightly more sensible person I used to be.

not this time

2009-02-15T22:37:00.008+08:00

Okay this is not fun anymore.
Then again, it never was.
Words now all stone-cold. nice.

How incredibly messy this has become.

i could be an organ donor the way i give up my heart.

2009-02-14T02:57:00.004+08:00

You know that feeling you get

when you try so hard, over and over again but to no avail.

To hope for something, you know won't come

but you make yourself believe it will.

You think about it so much that you're mentally drained.

That horrible feeling you get when you are on the brink of giving up,

all the way till you tell yourself 'this is it, no more.'.

I mean, how long can one person last

without any heartening news, right?

Then there's also the feeling after you've fallen over, given up and

forced to give a shrug of resignation.

Then you stop and wonder if you're being made a fool of all this time.

Cause you finally can see a little clearer without those unrealistic hopes clouding the big picture.

In short, the whole thing just sucks, really.

From the beginning right down to the end.

How nice that this is going through my head at

4.12 in the morning on Valentine's day.

Which I got to realise for myself, is overrated.

Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore. She loves salting my wounds.Yes, she enjoys nothing more.

2009-02-08T20:08:00.007+08:00

This is damn cute.

I love starbuck's bagel with cream cheese btw.

It stood by me through out my o level studying period. Awesome stuff. :)

Okay anyway, when my aunty came back to Singapore after her 3 month long holiday in the states,
I went to visit her one morning.
It was all well till she asked me if I had been going to church.
If you haven't heard, I can't lie and I won't, especially if it involves something like CHURCH.
so I said no,
and man - I got hell from her.

she was like "that's it Me-li-ssa! YOU are following me to church EVERY Sunday, and I don't care if you are happily shopping in town with your mummy, because some-how-or-the-other you WILL find the "strength", to pull away from your over-priced clothes, and take an early bus from town and you WILL arrive to church ON TIME and most importantly, you WILL sit down for ONE hour and pray to our almighty father. you hear me?"

sarcasm I tell you...
So anyhow, every Sunday, instead of shopping till the eleventh hour when all the shops are about to close,
you will see me rushing to the lucky plaza bus stop at like 5?!!
FIVE o' clock!
thats like... less than 3hrs of walking around :(
For the pass 2 weeks, me and my mom could only cover wisma in that 3hrs, including having lunch there.
Today was no exception.
Sunday's will never be the same again...
but then again, I m changing for the better. so I should be thankful.
okay I guess I m thankful then. No, really I am.
I will stop complaining. Really.

sad and meaningless

2009-02-06T12:27:00.008+08:00

About a girl

Okay, so... just random stuff.

1. I should start studying soon.

2. I think I want a BLACKBERRY! :)

3. I should stop over spending for the month

4. Valentines day is coming up?! stress much.

5. Can't wait to go out with Jac for FOB

6. Amanda Lim made me realise something yesterday, it was kinda sad :\

7. There is nothing nice to watch on TV except totally spies

8. I think I should look for a job too.

Nothing Else Is As Lost As I Am.

2009-02-02T23:39:00.002+08:00

Your awareness is doubtful.

The words said, trivial; virtually harmful.

However you cannot decipher the despair throbbing through my head.

I don't know what to say anymore. Nothing I guess.

I am failing to evade this relentless whirlwind of torment and distress.

I have nothing left to say about this.

My words bereft and drained of all meaning;

they're insignificance amounting to the value your words disclose.

adore, adore, bow down before.

2009-02-02T10:10:00.003+08:00

Don't you think LiLo looks so much better than the Olsen twins now-a-days?The twins are getting boring...

i've ran out of lyrics.

2009-02-01T22:00:00.003+08:00

Well tomorrow is Feb 2nd.

The day the JC 1's attend their first day of school.

Me and Nat have been rubbing it in the past few days to people like Faith, Moey, Jac, Steffi, Yo and Alyssa

that they have to start school tomorrow and we only start in April.

But really, I m like damn sad.

It's like 70% of my friends are going to JC, which means they will be busy with school.

Which means no Orchard or meet up for tea on weekdays anymore :(

and Saturdays might be ruled out too because they are too exhausted from the whole week of school. Sunday, would most probably be like 'family day' for most.

So that leaves barely anything.

Fuck those 3 pts.

At least it wouldn't be so bad if I was to start school tomorrow too, I wouldn't care if the whole world rubbed it in my face.

I would actually be excited and sooo looking forward to seeing you. fuck.

Now the 3am online crowd is going to be boring.

If only I studied harder, and even if I didn't make it

If only you knew.

Maybe it wouldn't feel as bad.

I m dreaming my life away aren't I?

2009-02-01T11:11:00.002+08:00

So I was bored and reading LJ's...
and decided to do one of these things to keep myself occupied till 12

1] Is there someone who you like at the moment?
Yes.

2] Does that someone know that you like them?
No. what does this have to do the rest of the questions?!

Facts:
1. Name - Melissa
2. Eye color - Dark Brown
3. Favorite color- Blue
4. Glasses - only reading glasses
5. Tattoos - one

Have you ever:
1. Cut your own hair?
yes, when I had bangs.

2. Done something you regret?
yes, many many many things

3. Skipped School?
a dozen times

4. Bungee-jumped?
you could try and make me haha

5. Punched someone?
Not one, many.
Amanda, Pamela, Jacinta, Steffi...
Sorry if it hurts :)

6. Cheated on a test?
Hmm... Primary school ting xie hahaha

7. Been arrested?
No, never ever plan to.

8. Broken in someone's house?
Yes, Natalie's on her birthday with 3 others.

9. Been Rejected?
Nope.

10. Been to a funeral?
Yes?! hasn't everyone?

12. Been on stage?
Yes?!

Favorite:
1. Season - Summer
2. Food - Japanese or maybe western?
3. Person - HAHA hmmm... :]
4. Book - Singapore Tatler Mag. haha sorry if I sound like a bimbo but I like their use of english.
6. Sport to watch on tv- sadly they don't show netball on tv often or at all so Tennis.
7. Name for a son? never thought of it.
8. Name for a daughter? never thought of it.

This or that:
1. Coffee or Cappucino?
Cappucino

2. Long or short relationships?
Long though I only had short ones

3. Scary movies or comedies?
Both.

4. Fruits or vegetable?
Fruits

First things that come to mind:
1. Gore- SAW (the movie)
2. School - Friends
3. Cows - Ben and Jerry's
4. Canada - Family
5. Mouse - long pink tails... ew.

In the past week have you:
1. Talked on the phone?
omg seriously...?

2. Watched a movie?
Yes

3. Cried?
Nope

5. Drank a glass of water?
A glass?! I drank like many many bottles!

7. Read a book or magazine?
Yes.

8. Watched tv?
would you believe me if I said no?!

9. Taken a shower?
duh.

10. Taken a picture?
Many.

11. Listened to music?
of course.

12. Told someone you love them?
never knew how to :/

13. Watched a football game on tv?
no! don't like football.

14. Stolen anything?
no but someone stolen my heart.
haha I was dared to say that.

run, don't walk, the sky is falling.

2009-01-30T15:51:00.005+08:00

It was Munting's Birthday on Wednesday.
It was suppose to be a surprise, but according to her she expected it because we "didn't do anything the whole day." haha
owells...

So Amanda and Myself went to get her balloons and cake before training at city hall.
It was a mad rush I tell you.
But only because I forgot to bring my camera and my memory card for my psp.
Honestly, I went back home more for my memory card.
Can't do with out it because without it, there's no music in my psp :'(
and music is almost like... of utmost importance.
So due to the time constrain and my stubbornness we had to cab to city hall.
Went over to say Hi to Nat then got the balloons, cake,
I said Hi to Pam too and got Yoguru on the way before we dashed off to AC.
We scurried around trying to find a place to hide the stuff before storing it in the gym.
Then came training.
We had a new... training thing.. like training plan?!
Okay sorry I seem to have forgotten the proper term for it. No surprise there.
Enlighten me if you could, thank you.

Brought out the cake and balloons after training.
Sang happy birthday of course, that goes without saying.
Then we had trouble with the candles because the wind refused to let them be lighted.
So instead of blowing out 18 candles, she only blew out 1,
and it had to be done in a hurry or the wind would have stolen her chance.
The cake was good, macaroons and all.

Cleaned up after then went for dinner with Amanda at LJS.
Did anyone notice the rise in prices over there? haha
These things are done in such a subtle way...
One day you'll be paying $3 for their clam chowder and won't even remember that it used to be as cheap as $1.70.
Met Nat and Faith in town after dinner at Starbucks.
Even though I might hate the winds on the track, I love it at Orchard.
Especially when you're sitting outdoors talking the night away.
We considered how we might age and how sad old people are.
When we say old, we actually mean Singapore's working population.
We had to leave early though to catch the last bus,
simply because money spent on mid night cab fare is much better off spent on clothes.

And spent on clothes we did.
The next day met Jac, Yo and Steffi for tea.
It sort of was impromptu?
But anyways had it at Shokudu, I think it was called?
The Japanese market.
I love japanese food btw :)
Walked around for abit then went to vivo to meet Amanda and Clare for the topshop party.
Faith and Nat joined in not long after
and we all went to Carl's Jr for supper after that with our topshop plastic bags :D
I really burned a hole this time. I could even be in debt!
or maybe not.. but still... I think I got to stretch the dollar for the next few days :/

SORRY FOR THE WORDY POST AGAIN.
I tried to cut it short.
But anyways, got to go for club training at 7.45
and will be meeting Nat and Faith after.
Hmm wow, i've been seeing Nat and Faith for like 3 nights in a row.
Jackpot.
Okay i m going to try and get some sleep now.

Here's a few, from the pretty-eventful 3 days.

how cute haha
Steffi's future housing estate :D

<3!>
Amanda got a little tipsy

shucks only 1 hour left to sleep.

tell me about it...

2009-01-29T01:12:00.003+08:00

If-you-see-kay, IMU.
whywhywhywhywhy :/

so what.

2009-01-26T18:31:00.004+08:00

Meet Monk and Bump.

when a heart breaks it don't breakeven.

2009-01-26T05:05:00.003+08:00

I had a plan.

But I m gonna abandon it...

After much thought, I figured,

maybe you're not worth my time and efforts.

I'd rather be in love with you but not anymore.

For real this time.

I know how I can get sometimes,

so since it's up here, slap me if I relapse.

Anyhow waited at far east subway for

my sister before walking to my aunty's house.

By the time she arrived, most of the shops were already closed.

But we didn't want to go down so early,

so we went to Guardian to shop!

Yes the pharmacy, Guardian.

Guess who I found there... Mr Bump!

He's the cutest really.

My sister on the other hand got animal plasters -_-

Which is kinda bad cause she will ponder on what animal she should use to cover up her blister

and when she can't decide, she would ask me.

Should I use tiger or giraffe?

Giraffe.

Should I use giraffe or hippo?

(Mela)nie!

okay okay last time, last time, giraffe or hippo?!

No!

Giraffe or Hippo?!! ehhh!

haha and I would just walk away.

Okay almost 5.30am, time to pack ang paos.

Never liked doing it btw. :/

Oh did I mention I got a sore throat?

and because of that I m spending my first Chinese new year

without new year goodies. :(

No pineapple tarts (except Tessa's), no cornflake thinggy or love letters, basically everything...

Owells.

House party tomorrow night.

Not exactly what I had in mind but

at least I not home feeling miserable about you.

dark blue

2009-01-25T09:47:00.005+08:00

My mom forced me to do my nails yesterday.
So without any sleep at all from the day before,I headed down to tanjong pagar to get my nails painted dark blue.After which rushed down to city hall and met Pamela.We were suppose to shop at Chinatown, but most of the shops were closed!Damn.So we turned back and headed for Orchard.Shopped, had dinner very comfortably on a bench,shared an ice cream which nearly fell of the coneand then on our way back to the MRT from Wheelock,bumped into Faith and Feo.Stopped to talk and then suddenly Nat's mom appeared?Then Nat popped out of nowhere.Funny how we were all crossing the same street at the same time.So anyways, they were going to catch a movie and I've not watched a movie since forever, so why not.Met a whole big group at McCafeand settled on Bride Wars.I thought the show was okay...kind of like a typical 9 o'clock show only a little more long winded.Faith didn't like the show hahabut we both agreed thatFann's wardrobe was dope.2 Hermes bags, 2 Lanvin dresses, a Louis Vuitton, Chanel Cuff and earings...Not to mention she threw a fluorescent pink Marc Jacobsonto the sandy floor in the last scene where Christopher proposed to her.I didn't know that they were already married by the way. hahaHad KFC for supper then caught the last bus from town home.
Reunion Dinner tonight at my aunty's Carinhill residence.Can't wait to see the view from her place at night.Will be shopping in town before that..because staying at home is boring :)
Happy CNY.
<3

2009-01-24T03:31:00.002+08:00

Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known.

Maybe I'm just dreaming out loud.

Every glance is killing me.

2009-01-22T23:50:00.001+08:00

Live life to the fullest?

Easier said than done really.

A night or two back, two very nice people

were trying to talk me into doing something.

Something that I m so afraid of doing, and still am.

There is no wrong in what they were getting me to do.

It was a simple task, actually.

Only required me to say a few words...

But then there's also the part where you need like loads of courage?

Yeahh....which in this case, I don't have.

Even with endless encouragements from the two,

not enough. :/

So I didn't do it and was called a pussy. How awesome right. haha

But I deprived them of sleep so... yeah.

But anyhow,

then it got me thinking, I have so many things to say to so many people.

If I don't make it through today, tomorrow or next week

I will definitely go with regrets...

and the worst part is that even after realizing this,

I can't do anything to change it

because I don't want to sacrifice losing what I have now.

What I have might be pathetic but it beats

having nothing like Mr Long hair Long beard above. Right?

It all comes down to fear that's keeping me away from you

and also the fact that I'm not the type that would recklessly just trade everything for love.

Life is hard.

Sorry if I don't make much sense.

I just needed to ramble a little.

2009-01-20T13:46:00.000+08:00

Met up with Jac and Ally yesterday and headed down to Holland V for tea.
Steffi couldn't make it because she had a fever :(
Guess she was too excited to see us till she fell sick. haha
But nevermind, cause we'll see each other after CNY!

So anyhows, we went to the rooftop cafe.
The sun was a killer.
What happened to the friggin strong winds?!
Seriously, I even got like burned by the table. ouch.
But the place would have been nice at night though...
Food was okay, not all that fantastic.

When we could not take the Sun anymore, went down to cold rock.
Sat there for a little while to cool off then went to Frolick.
On the way, bumped into Erica!
We're like fated or something.
Oh not to mention I bumped into Debs, Tessa and the AC netball TIC earlier on.

After frolick went to the food court to get a drink and
by then it was like getting dark so headed home.
I couldn't believe how much I ate :/
Like the whole day, I kept putting food into my mouth. ewww.

Hmm anyways Jac got a new cam!
The pictures seem so much clearer than the ones from my cam.

watching this entropy in pain.

2009-01-20T10:45:00.006+08:00

As funny as it might sound.

I believe I saw a shooting star after training yesterday.

I was told it's a plane...

but it don't matter really,

I still wished on it.

I still hope to see that wish come true because...

I still want you.

But I just can't find the way to show it.

so i guess

you'll never know.

what if i told you,

2009-01-18T11:56:00.004+08:00

Today has 'Gym', 'Pool side' and 'blueberry waffle' written all over it.

Well, they don't call it lazy Sundays for nothing...

It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back.

when you're close, I don't breathe.

2009-01-17T20:24:00.007+08:00

Sleep around 6:30am yesterday but I was forced to wake up

at 8 to attend a meeting in SAC at 9.

I was like "I have to attend?"

and Mrs Yong was like "Yes. 1 or 2 rep to attend. coming?"

Her "coming?" might as well be like a rhetorical question. haha

or maybe it was...?

Anyways, when I got there I had to face the damn security guard again.

I mean, I know he is just doing his job, but it's irritating.

I don't like the whole signing in, writing your name thing.

I'm just lazy like that.

The last time I went to school, this was what happened.

Guard - "girl are you a student from this school?"

Me - "Yes I am"(I sorta am...)

Guard - "Where's your unifrom?"

( I swear I wanted to burst out laughing when he asked me that)

But I just truthfully said "at home!" then put on a huge smile

while Michelle Low was pushing me into the school compound haha

So the meeting lasted less than half an hour.

Mrs Yong got Joy to come down too.

She was awaken the same way I was.

Good for you Joy haha

Only that she had to run to school cause she lives nearby.

I strolled.

Caitlin and Tiara were called upon too

but they came when the meeting ended...

so we just went for breakfast at Bedok Macs

instead to make their efforts of leaving the house more worth while.

Meet mummy around 4 at Wisma, as usual.

The sales are finally clearing!

Oh and has anyone noticed the winds now-a-days?

Because I wore a short dress out today

and man did I have a hard time keeping it down.

Think I'll have to stick to shorts for the mean time.

But the winds are good, I can pull out all my jackets and blazers

and it would be reasonable to buy new ones! :))

Bumped into a handful of people today.

Ning and Ethel Kwek just to name.

Ning was complaining that she couldn't find clothes for CNY.

I would have been too, 5 mins before.

But I found an outfit! like finally!

Was suffering from a head banging headache from the lack of sleep

so decided to head back for home early.

All that with 2hrs of sleep!

Couldn't believe it myself.

If you're wondering,

that's Joy's wallet above.

I think it's an effective way of saving money.

Especially for a forgetful person like yours truly.

I m going to paste a picture of those Vans in my wallet.

YES, I m saving for it.

Gotta rough it out SOMEtimes right?

2009-01-17T03:55:00.001+08:00

there are many things that I would like to say to you,
but I don't know how.

I speak to you in riddles because my words get in the way.

2009-01-16T15:38:00.003+08:00

Went to meet Pam, looking like hell, around 4yesterday afternoon at Mrs Fields.
Came from 6th Ave, was planning to spend the day lazing around the pool...But Pam reminded me about the JAE shit.I didn't bring a change of clothes.
Which explains why I went there looking like I was going for training,felt really out of place walking around city hall in shorts and t-shirt?!
So anyways when I arrived her manager was still aroundso I sat across at Cedele waiting,till my frozen yogurt was reduced to liquid.But it beats being at home, alone, wrecking my head on what course to pick.Plus Pamela had all the brochures from TP & SP, as expected. haha
Lunch on Tuesday at Holland V with Steffi, Ally and Jac.Didn't get to say much to them the last time I saw them in school,so can't wait to see them again.
:( it's 5.30 already...

2009-01-15T12:34:00.011+08:00

Just a taste of what I m feeling.

If you watched the latest episode of Gossip Girl,

you might remember what Lily said.

"I dont want to spend another day, yet another minute,

trap in this hotel room, scared that you are gonna hate me forever,

when I m still in love with you."

And yes, amidst all the sadness for my results,

that is exactly how I m feeling.

Just that it's a different setting,

A much more familiar setting.

But I have chosen to stay even if I think you might hate me,

cause I can't bear to leave.

Go figure?

Aside from that, I finally got my life back on track after 4 days.

Only a few more things to do before I m settled.

The thought still saddens me sometimes but I guess I can live with it.

I just hope I m not making another mistake.

Oh and not forgetting all the encouragement's I got.

Like really... I m beyond touched

and this is not the first time that you guys

have gone through the trouble of helping me through stuff.

so thanks a million :)

even though my words aren't worth as much as your efforts.

My mom got me a new ipod to cheer me up.

So at least I can start running outdoors again

without having to lug about a very heavy PSP in my hand.

Just got to find that arm strap now...

2009-01-15T03:52:00.003+08:00

now if only you knew.
I still don't know if I m doing IT just for myself or for you too. If only you knew. :/Maybe you could TRY to stop me.

biker shit

2009-01-11T13:55:00.001+08:00

Just something else I cant keep my eyes off.
It looks so mushy, soft and yummy.
Been contemplating for a week if I should get it.
Ahhhh it's just so gorgeous,
and have you seen a teal biker jacket before this? I bet not.
Which makes it all the more worth it to buy.I m just scared of the puffiness.Maybe I'll take another week before I decide.Meantime I'll just have to settle for less.Plain, simple and black.Well, you can see where I m channeling my misery into.Spent a bomb yesterday shopping.I think I m getting sick of seeing the fall collections and sale itemsin nearly every shop.Sadly, the only way out of my weekly mundane Saturday shopping tripsis for shops to bring out their S/S 09.Hmmm someone should bring out the sun andmaybe along the way stop the winds from blowing so much.Especially at AC.
I feel like eating Awfully Chocolate cakes. :(Okay gotta dig up my uniform.
X

no more beautiful goodbyes.

2009-01-10T09:15:00.006+08:00

I wish I knew what you would do, if you knew.

But looks like there's hardly any chance in that or anything in fact,

as of this 'morning' maybe?

To me, it looks like I have to push you away and play pretend,

in hopes that we could start over again.

Cause I m definitely not enjoying this

I'd rather the lesser of two evils.

So I m calling it quits

- maybe tomorrow, if I can.

you are the fucking reason, why can't you see it.

I get the feeling we're disconnected

2009-01-08T15:22:00.004+08:00

I never thought I'd say this but I think I really really want those pair of vans. Really.

They look SO nice and preppy!

I can't imagine how I would use them, YET.

But I'm sure I will...

Well at least they'll only be out in spring, which gives me time to think.

Hmmm then there's Jeremty Scott X Adiddas.

I like the wings, but they look too bulky.

Maybe if I wanted to look like a G, all 'good in the hood' and shit

I would empty my bank account for it.

Tattoo convention starts tomorrow.

I still haven't decided if I should do anything yet.

Frustrating.

Anyways go down and show your support!

Tickets are only like 18 bucks for a one day pass.

CHRIS GARVER

FROM MIAMI INK WILL BE THERE.

I feel better now, but still damn sad.

My sister didn't go to school today and

knowing that there's something wrong,

she offered to accompany me shopping.

So sweet right.

Town it is then.

lets contemplate our chemistry

2009-01-07T23:21:00.005+08:00

I was in a really really bad mood today,

not to mention I felt worst after training,

but it was not because of training and

not because results are confirmed to be released on the 12th either!

Anyways, when I m in a bad mood, I spend.

It's a problem, I know.

But what the heck.

So it was butterfly prawns and mussels at mos burger, on me.

I think I feel a little better now.

okay, no wait.

I still feel horrible.

bye.

I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER.

2009-01-06T11:36:00.005+08:00

Going down to SAC again to help out with auditions.

I m just looking forward to the waffle and bake potato :D

Not that I m not looking forward for the auditions, but

I mean the waffle and bake potato are more inviting.

hmm I've treated myself for too long.

After this week, its back to minimal carb.

So anyhow, training again tomorrow.

I wonder if there will be training on friday too.

But yesterday was the last day of work!

So now that I m free for the entire week, I don't mind.

Then again, there is the problem of having

to squeeze every meet-up we can before the 15

and having trainings 3 times a week won't salvage the situation.

I don't think I will live through the stress on the 14.

I'll most probably stay awake the whole night...

wtf.wtf.wtf.

2009-01-03T16:05:00.002+08:00

Okay maybe not everyone.Just one.

2009-01-03T13:07:00.002+08:00

Went down to school with Amanda yesterday to collect our EAGLES award.

Can't wait for the cash to go in. I wanna buy my vans!

My sister already got hers! damn.

Anyhow, we hung around for awhile to wait for Mrs Yong to come back to school.

Practice passes a little with Amanda but that session, unfortunately, did not help my current situation much.

So hopefully again on Tuesday before or after the auditions.

Finally got to collect our club tee that we waited for since, forever..

Talked for a bit then had to dash off early to prepare for training at night.

After training had Macs at king albert park.

When we left it was like close to 12?!

Thank God we got a lift to aljunid MRT.

When we got out of the car,

Amanda, being Amanda,

rushed up the over head bridge, down

and into the station by herself while me and Tessa took our time,

My ankle hurt.

Then she went straight to the control station, almost running, and was like

"ARE THERE ANYMORE TRAINS LEFT??!!"

haha I bet the control station staff got a shock.

But thank God we didnt miss the last train.

5 MINS.

Imagine if there was a jam along the way...

okay so anyways managed to get to Tampines

and didn't miss my stop, thank God again.

Nonetheless, the bus services had stopped

so I had to walk home from the interchange.

That, I don't mind.

But when I got to my block, I saw some weird random guy in pink and specs

outside my door.

I swear I panicked.

Especially because I didn't know if he was looking at me

since I did not have my specs.

First thing that came to my head was to call my dad,

which after I got scolded by him for because I should have called the police.

owells.

visuals are up :)

2009-01-01T12:52:00.010+08:00

2008 seems too long to look back at.

Its hardly a day into 2009 but the last few months of school feels like it was years ago.

That white blouse, stripe tie and blue skirt we would fold so high.

The times we sneaked out of class and roam about the school,

cover each others backs and come up with lame excuses when we're late.

How 14 February is not just Valentine's day, but also Jac's birthday.

The priceless expression I had when I opened my birthday present in the canteen.

That unforgettable day at Kallang Netball centre,

not because it was a leap year but because it was our last.

The tiring walks we had to the prata shop

and how it was always a hassle to take our orders.

The dance concerts and timsumdollies (or was it 2007?) performance we attended.

& I would never forget the endless photo ops we have, even around town.

10 years in the same school, 10 years with the same schoolmates.

A pity that 2008 has to mark the end of it.

On a lighter note, my last few hours of 2008 we're spent with Amanda and Des.
We were suppose to go to the Marina Barrage but got turned back at the MRT station.
But I had a backup plan in mind incase that happened and that was to call my mom.
She got us 3 a place at Pan Pacific's executive lounge, which would actually be much better than the barrage.
No heat, No crowd, free flow of finger food and cakes and a pretty good view of the fireworks.
So even though I was a little disappointed at first because I wanted to see the barrage,
watching the fireworks from a balcony on the 22nd floor is way better!
The fireworks was stunning by the way.
Amanda could not stop snapping.

After that sat down and ate some more.
Was suppose to make my way to Pasir Panjang for a house party
but after much thought, I decided to skip.
I guess I didn't want to start off the year getting wasted,
not thinking straight and whatnot.

Besides I was really tired.
I was dead to the world when we got into the MRT and got a seat.
Nevertheless, I definitely had fun :)
Okay sorry for the wordy post.visuals! ~~up soon. still waiting for Amanda.~~

Mean time, Jacinta has finally moved from LJ to blogger again :D
www.pppokerface.blogspot.com

FIN.

2009-01-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year :)
This post was just set to appear, automatically at 12.
So right now I should be at Marina with Amanda and Des watching the awesome fireworks.
okay I wonder if I should come up with a new years resolution?
Never had one before...
hmm owells.
You know what, I think I m going to have trouble getting home after the fireworks?
Okay whatever, I'll think about that later.

<3!

2008-12-31T12:20:00.003+08:00

Jacinta said if she was rich she would buy this for me. :)
so sweet! haha
But the thing is, you are Jac!
So you owe me haha!

okay work's out!

when you can live forever, what do you live for.

2008-12-30T12:27:00.010+08:00

1. Paramore's - Decode is oddly addictive.

2. My ez-link pass in expiring in a few days. no wait, ONE day.

3. I can't wait to count down and watch fireworks :)

4. This thing we had seems to be dying down but looks like I m the only one that cares.

5. I m working on new years eve :(

6. ... I think I actually want Friday to come. :/

7. If you're wondering why I m doing this, it's because I m dead bored at work. and;

8. because this list should end on a lucky number.

end note:

I think I 've been... mislead?

2008-12-30T06:46:00.005+08:00

I thought I heard my phone ring around 5.
I very eagerly went over to look at it
only to realise I was dreaming.
what's happening...
hmmm sun's up again.

I'm screaming "I love you so..."
but my thoughts you can't decode

half in love with you.

2008-12-28T11:22:00.005+08:00

A Christmas Night/Boxing Day well spent at Faith's house.Had drinks mixed by Feo, and I guess he had a little too much.He ended up stumbling out of the housedemanding he wants to see the moon.Faith pointed it out to him butonly to find out it was a lamp post.We sat along the road side for awhile then took over the back of some random lorry parked outside.I would go on but it was a really long night.Short-lived happiness but I guess I needed that break.Then again alcohol was only good enough to put it at the back of my headand after the effects of alcohol died down,I started to question Nat.I got my answers,but was just too afraid.
Putting that aside, training was brought forward to Monday again.You know, every time that happens I lose money.Like literally, because I need to get my sister to cover for me at work.She got kind of fed up when I told her today she has to cover for me again,like the 3rd time this month and so she firmly refused...until I told her I would pay her to.Really, what is this world coming to?owells...

tell me something.

2008-12-25T09:21:00.003+08:00

What more can you say

When love won't let you, walk away.

And you can't help who you love.

So you find yourself giving it all away

When you think you're in love

Merry Christmas.

I wanna wake up in a city that never sleeps.

2008-12-24T10:37:00.007+08:00

It's christmas eve, but instead of being home,
I m trapped in the office with a friggin mouse that doesn't seem to work.
But at least it's ending at 12.30
so about 1 and a half hours more, I should be able to hold up.
No one is really in the office anyways.
I mean who wants to work on christmas eve?!!
Like I didn't even have to rush or make an effort to get a seat in the MRT.

Hmm, now that it's Christmas eve already,
I got a feeling I won't get what I want this Christmas.
Impossible. Okay, maybe just almost impossible.
But what are the odds
and I'm never lucky.

Going down to Maryland drvie as usual for x'mas dinner.
Supper with friends after that would be nice
but everyone's with family.
so yeah.

x

2008-12-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready.

2008-12-18T08:16:00.002+08:00

Suddenly I feel so reluctant to post anything.

Or rather just lazy, but whatever.

Was rambling about training a few post back

and now it's like the last training.

Kinda sad, for me that is,

but I m still gonna celebrate with Amanda darling.

Simply because life should be celebrated.

Whats more, celebrations had never been easier

with Holland V only meters away from the school.

No more long bus rides on 14 just to get to ikea.

So anyways, watched SAC play yesterday at Kallang with Amanda and Desiree.

Desiree gave us these cute cookies and brownies from Mrs Fields which she like made herself! sweet.

Went to eat at Marina later.

Our feast was practically free because Amanda and myself had vouchers.

I had a voucher to redeem 2 ice cream sundaes,

and one of which we redeemed was the birthday one with a candle.

So we sang Amanda a birthday song just for the fun of it.

Oh the jrs came down while we were half way through our meal.

OMG I miss Shantaine's facial expressions.

They are like

PRICELESS.

Seriously. It's like the worst!

or the best.. depending which way you look at it.

Ahhh good times, good times.

I miss SAC netball and all the fun we had at our sports training tours.

I still stand firm that Perth was the best because it holds the most valued memories.

Then again Hong Kong would have had more if I had stayed longer with the school.

Oh that reminds me, I can't wait for Monday.

Another party/gathering, another photo album on facebook,

another whole load of good memories.

But I have to get pass the weekends first. damn.

Hmm not much of December left.

7 days to Christmas.

I think I know what I want this Christmas.

It's not another Chanel or Burberry's warrior bag.

It's something that would make me happier than getting an Hermes Birkin.

Something better than sending me off for a long vacation.

But as they always say, if you tell, it won't come true.

So I'm keeping it to myself,

crossing my fingers and praying it does.

2008-12-15T08:49:00.004+08:00

~~It's true when they say all good things come to an end.~~

Built it up just to watch it fall like, it meant nothing at all.
I'm right back down to square one.

~~I should give up.~~

okay maybe not,

cause I m fickle like that.

2008-12-09T21:58:00.003+08:00

Back to work tomorrow.
I think it's breakfast Tuesday tomorrow. FREE SUBWAY! yay!
I still hope the hours would pass as fast as the minutes.
hmm...
Can't wait for Thursday to come. (in a way)

Oh and strangely I m in a super good mood tonight.
yeahh... so GOODNIGHT WORLD!! :DD

HI.

2008-12-09T00:39:00.007+08:00

Well we didn't manage to eat at Charcoal, because it was CLOSED.

Apparently they don't open on public holidays and we sorta overlooked that.

Nonetheless, we found an alternative - NYDC at heeren L5.

The service sucked and the food was kinda average...

but I still, definitely, had a good time with the 3 of them.

I m quite sure you have seen how Orchard road has become for x'mas.

It's has turned into Candyland!

Only short of walking gingerbread man.

There's like sweets hanging from the trees, giant cupcakes, towering peppermint candy canes, weird looking dolls that look almost hypnotic

and what-have-you.

I mean it's cute to an extend but yeah it's a little over the top, I think.

Anyhow, I noticed all that while we were walking up and down orchard road,

trying to find a place to cut Amanda's (1 week late) birthday cake.

NYDC didn't let us consume the cake in their diner just because it was not THEIR cake, retards.

So we finally settled at Cathay Cinelesiure and we dug into the cake with white plastic spoons and had tasty fries while waiting for our movie to start.

To come to think about it, we talked like alot the whole day.

Which is expected... I mean 2yrs was it?

or maybe 1 but still, it's nice reminiscing and stuff.

A pretty long day but well spent I'd say.

We even planned our next session together.

Something new/different, but so exciting.

can't wait! :)

2008-12-08T01:37:00.004+08:00

Okay, I didn't go running in the end.

I went all the way to the gym but forgot to bring my card.

But the trip there and back was good time spent out of the house.

I was cooped up inside the house for the whole day watching shows.

90210 ended their season for the year so I started on ugly betty.

The show is almost like an

reenactment of how things are at work, less cliched of course.

Anyhow when I got back, some one kinda instantly made my night... or day?

Whichever.

But yeah, I can go to sleep now :)

Oh but then I got bad news from Tessa that

Deborah can't make it tomorrow to Charcoal for lunch.

But at least after... say like, 2 years we could get one of them out,

so there's an improvement.

Gonna finally see Amanda Lim after a super long time too.

Wow can't believe she already graduated from JC.

Time flies when you're having fun?

2008-12-07T19:48:00.002+08:00

I suddenly don't feel so good again.

Black and white is all I want it to be.

But nope, everything has to be overly complicated, over the top

and I have to suffer with it.

I need to clear my head.

I'm going running.

like a house of cards in a hurricane.

2008-12-07T00:56:00.004+08:00

So I lay awake another hour,
Just like the one before .
The shadows play a game with my head,
I can't take this anymore.
I hear the sound of my own breathing,
it makes me miss you more.

Wake me up when it's over, after the ending,
When the damage has all been done.Looks like December's air is heavy with emotions.

x

2008-12-06T13:31:00.002+08:00

I wasted one and a half hours of my life at my void deck,

waiting for my sister to come home.

I forgot my keys...

So I sat there from like 10.30 to 12, flipping my sidekick in anticipation.

ahh shuck, I m late again.

okay I m praying it does not rain.

I want to eat my B&J in peace!

2008-12-03T14:57:00.001+08:00

something doesn't feel quite right...

this is scary.

2008-12-02T21:46:00.003+08:00

I m back from training in one piece and damn sleepy.

Some one just had to call at 9 in the morning

when I was only 5 hours into sleeping.

Couldn't go back to sleep so I

rolled myself off the bed and when I stood up,

my head felt like it weighed a ton!

But I still dragged myself to Macdonals, step by step

to get McGriddles & syrup.

(The one thing that can make me smile in the morning when there's trng)

Somehow I couldn't stand the sight of all the aunties

pushing their cart full of groceries looking all perky and in a hurry to get home or something.

They made me feel like a freaking zombie walking through the neighborhood.

Anyhow, can't believe how fast time has passed.

5 training's down, 5 more to go.

I still remember how it was after the first training.

I didn't have a good breakfast, so I was starving

after training! I munched on the 'fruit salad' thing I won from prom

and shared it with Moey while waiting for her dad.

If you're wondering why I can actually remember all this,

despite my memory that seems to reset every 24hrs,

it's because we took pictures!

That was the night Amanda showed me that 'light-streak' function in my camera!

2008-12-01T17:06:00.003+08:00

Omg, I m so going to pay for going out tonight.
So God help me if I faint on the track tomorrow.

Amen?

2008-11-30T18:25:00.015+08:00

okay I seriously don't know whats up with my tagboard...

I can't seem to log into cbox to fix the problem?!

Guess I have to create a new account, troublesome much.

Can't believe Gossip Girl, 90210 and even Grey's did not air this week.

Which ultimately, leaves me with nothing much left to do at home.

Like seriously, I was so bored today that I traveled all the way to Bedok North just to get Japanese take-away.

As long as it wastes time, it's worth it.

Jac was still online when I came back and

very quickly, we settled for 2am desert bar on Thursday after training.

Mean time, what happened in last weeks training is still fresh in my mind.

Especially the part "run more than 2.4"

I mean, I don't have any problem with running for training...

Just that Zouk is on Monday and

I m quite afraid I might not be able to stay sober?

What if I get a really bad head-banging hangover.

I wouldn't even be able to cover the distance from my bed to the front door.

and speaking about Zouk,

I really really hope & pray to God I will see someone there. :/

Goodness, Boredom really kills.

I've decided Im hitting the gym till 9.

Knowing I've tried, will sedate my thoughts before training on Tuesday.

Especially since I m without my dearest Amanda who will be in Germany!

Enjoy your stay darling :D

I can't believe Im actually hoping you will show,

but it beats believing that you definitely won't be there.

2008-11-29T12:26:00.003+08:00

Got to leave for Parkway right now.

My mom insisted I accompany her while she does her hair.

I'll go.

But no way am I going to sit in the hair saloon, for 4 hours

and watch her read magazines.

I think Im gonna hit Starbucks!

Oh and my sidekick 3 is on it's way to asian civilization right now!